Thursday, January 26, 2006

Enough is enough.

At what point do you finally figure out that enough is enough?

For the record, I'm fine. I'm exhausted, I have cramps, and I'm a little bit sick. So that is definitely influencing my overall feeling of well-being and adjustment.

I guess I'm feeling a bit introspective, since I've been quite literally by myself for hours now and let's face it, the TV isn't the best source of comfort.

I guess that I'm realizing that pushing myself far, far past the breaking point doesn't work anymore. I don't bounce back like I did when I was 15 or 19 or 23. It's so strange, at age 26, to be hit square in the face with the realization that age does indeed catch up to us and we don't get to wait until we're 50. Ugh!

I didn't really mean for this to sound like such a rumination on human mortality or anything like that. What Im really doing is sort of stream of consciousness thought. I could be doing this is in my journal, but for some reason, it's so much more cathartic to be sharing it. Maybe it's because I'm so unused to feeling so weak, so exposed, so easily bruised.

It's just been a real whirlwind, these last few weeks. I'm realizing that I internalize a lot of things and let them build up to the point where I feel completely overwhelmed. One of my buddies was telling me a story about him going surfing last weekend. It was so big, and he went over the falls in such a spectacular fashion, that he had to go hand-over-hand up his leash to find the surface and breathe. I feel like that right now--like I know the surface is up there, but I haven't found something to grab onto yet. I'm still flailing around underwater, trying to find the one thing that's attached to the surface.

Believe it or not, I feel better.

Quote of the Day: "Quod me nutrit me destruit." Tattoo on Angelina Jolie's stomach. It means "That which nourishes me, destroys me."

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