My voice is fluctuating again, which is irritating. I am so sick of not being able to talk that I think I overdid it once my voice started to come back. Now it’s failing again. And I'm petrified of doing permanent damage. Argh.
I’m having kind of a weird day, in that I’m tired, but I know I have a ton to do tonight. We’ve got our first game, which I am excited about despite my lack of a voice. I know that the girls are really excited, so that makes me happy. After that, my family is going out together because there’s a Champ Car/CART happy hour-type event tonight at a bar in the Pearl where a bunch of the drivers are going to be there and that just sounds straight-up cool. The whole fam is fans of open-wheel racing, specifically CART, and meeting the drivers is going to be interesting.
I think a lot of what I’m dealing with right now is a combination of stress and missing someone a lot more than I expected to. There’s a Sage Francis song I’ve been listening to where there’s a sample of someone saying “I never thought I’d miss you.” It really sums up my feelings right now, because I’m not used to this. It’s surreal, to be sure, and I’m trying not to let it take over my thoughts. Sometimes, that’s a lot harder than others. I’m a little hesitant, to be totally honest, because every relationship I’ve gotten really excited about has come back to bite me in the ass. Hence, I’m facing some trepidation about this one. Argh.
Work’s been weird because we’re going through a huge transition. There are a bunch of people leaving the department and getting new people is going to be strange. I almost feel badly about bailing out in a few months, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to go away and nothing’s going to change that. God knows my job isn’t interesting enough to keep me here.
Joy’s been laughing at me all week because she claims she’s never seen me like this. She’s probably onto something, because I can’t remember ever being like this.
“Well, I hope you’re well/and what you’ve done is right/Oh, it’s been such hell/I wish you well/I hope you’re safe tonight/‘cause it’s a long day coming/and long will it last/when it’s last day leaving/and I’m helping it pass/by loving you more.” Isobel, Dido