Thursday, March 11, 2004

Why grande mochas are always a bad idea.

I’m having a bad day, for sure. I am bored and overcaffeinated, which is never a good combination. Far too much free time to think about really stupid things, which always puts me in a bad and pensive mood. Neither of which I particularly have time for right now. It just makes me tired.

Martini and I had a really funny conversation yesterday about new relationships and potential potholes. It was refreshing to finally get everything that’s been going on inside me out of my head and start being myself again. It’s fun to be giddy and girlie for a little while, but now I am just straight up sleep deprived and eagerly awaiting the weekend. Martini and I both made the point that we don’t like the whole early-relationship limbo phase. I want to go straight from Point A to Point C. B sucks. It’s lazy and I should be excited about it, but it just stresses me out and I’ve got quite enough of that in my life right now. Case in point…

I’m a little bit stressed about this weekend. Snowrider is putting on a booth at MHM’s Vegetate and as excited as I am about that prospect, it’s making me insane as I am trying to balance my responsibility to organizing volunteers, procuring donations and money from a variety of people, and maintaining my sanity all without having a car right now. Grrr. C’est la vie. I will be OK, I swear!

I know that the reason I keep myself busy is to fend off the urge to spend my free time in bed with the covers pulled up over my head, but that urge gets worse the busier I get. It’s a total Catch-22, but I don’t really know any other way to do it. I feel helpless, but it’s entirely self-inflicted.

I loved going to lacrosse practice last night because it gave me the opportunity to run around, play a sport, work my body and talk solely about lacrosse. It was nice to be able to help the new girls work on playing and not have to deal with anything, organize anything or analyze anything for an hour.

Once again, I am well aware that this is self-inflicted, but I think I am terrified of the thought of free time and the idea that I might spend every afternoon on the couch watching TRL and eating tortilla chips. Plain, because guacamole is too expensive. This is a legitimate fear of mine, actually. I guess I want to have more to talk about than what happened last night on TV, even if I am slightly obsessed with my TiVo.

OK, I’m going to go find something to do so I can stop compulsively checking my email. It’s not helping.

Quote of the Day: “Take the elevator at the Hotel Yorba/I’ll be glad to see you later/All they got inside is vacancy/It might seem silly for me to have childish thoughts like these/but I’m so tired of acting tough and I’m gonna do what I please.” Hotel Yorba The White Stripes

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