Monday, January 29, 2007

Waiting and Wondering

It's funny, in the past few months I've gone from wondering if my relationship was going to work out to committing to moving in together. I've also gone from actively hating my old job and being elated with my new one to wondering if it's as good a fit as I thought.

I'm not saying that I don't like my job--let's be clear about that. However, no job is going to be great all the time. It's called work for a reason. It's also interesting to watch expectations change all the time. Working here is definitely a completely different experience from the old place and sometimes that's both good and bad. I'll be the first to admit that I have a little bit of culture shock and that both helps and hurts me. I'm also glad that I have a bunch of coworkers to help me get through this, since it's been an interesting ride so far.

I'm waiting on the move, since it's going to take place over the next month and frankly, I kind of wish that it were already past tense. I'm glad that we prepared ourselves, but I also wish we'd made more progress too. By that, I definitely mean progress in the physical sense rather than the emotional. I'm feeling pretty solid, emotionally, and that's a nice thing to rest on for the time being. Relationships are a lot more work than they look like, so it's nice to see it when my current one is working really well.

I feel like there are a few changes just over the horizon and I'm kind of curious to see what they are. I've been running errands and making decisions that seem to be setting me up to make some changes, being they going back to school, sorting out vacations, and some other goals that may very well see fruition.

Or not. And I'm trying to make that not feel like a failure, because I don't think it is. I think in a lot of ways, I really look at not getting what I want right away as a bit of a failure and I think that's the wrong way to do it. I think that sometimes making longer range goals and thinking bigger might be a really good way to keep myself from narrowing my focus so much.

I think sometimes it does feel like a checklist. If I get my Cert II this year, I can go back to school next year and maybe not teach skiing. If I don't go on much vacation this year, I can take more time off for the Al-Can next year. Or whatever. In a lot of ways, I don't know what I want, and until I figure that out, I am going to have a hard time checking anything off the list.

Maybe it's time to actually make the list physical, instead of turning it over and over in my brain.

Quote of the Day: "You may delay, but time will not." Benjamin Franklin.

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