Monday, July 17, 2006

Woes of driving

I saw the most ridiculous thing while I was running an errand on campus. There was a surgeon, sitting in his parked Lincoln Mark LT truck with the engine running and the window down. He was also clearly eating his lunch. Now, I understand wanting the air conditioning on if you are hot, which it is. However, having the window down negates the AC, which negates the need to have the engine on in a parked car.

This is, like, #912 in the list of Why Oregon and Washington Drivers Are Idiots. Washington drivers are worse, but I have to deal with them less frequently.

Here are the worst offenders:
The Freeway Merge-Fearer
This is the person who feels the need to come to a complete stop on a freeway lane while attempting to merge into an exit lane. Seriously? So unsafe and ridiculous. Scienziata and I encounter this daily on our commute to and from work. One of us inevitably ends up screaming at the sedan that is creeping along trying to find a spot in between the traffic attempting to merge onto the freeway from the highway that brings them in from suburbia. If I'm not screaming, she does because she knows I'm thinking it.

Seriously, people? Sack up and shove in. The person behind you will back off because they don't want to hit you. I am not kidding. Just be aggressive for two seconds and save me the ten minutes of aggro.

The Intersection Loiterer
We know it's rush hour. We know you really thought you could squeeze through that light. We also know that you are now holding up an entire light cycle of traffic because your German-engineered ass is sitting in the middle of the intersection. You are an asshole. FYI.

The Passing Lane Race Car Driver
This one actually drives Indie Rocker much nuttier than me. This is the person who can only do 55 on a two-lane road, but as soon as they hit a passing lane, they also hit the gas and start going 75. Of course, when the passing lane ends and we haven't been able to pass their ass, they hit the brakes and go back to 55. Seriously? You didn't want to go fast when there was absolutely no risk of anyone getting near you, but turn into Mario Andretti with a little more road? Dipshit.

The Left Lane Parker
I know the speed limit is 55. Or 60. Or even 70, once you get north of Vantucky. However, just because your superior, rule-abiding self feels like community policing the interstate by parking in the left lane and going exactly the speed limit does not mean that I have to pay attention to you. And I will pass you on the right. Might I get pulled over? Yes. Would it be worth it? Probably not. Do I care? NO.

Washington drivers are far, far more likely to do this than Oregon drivers. We're the jackasses passing on the right.

I used to be able to circumvent this problem in high school by coming roaring up behind the car in front of my in a Suburban. They typically beat feet to get out of my way. Strangely enough, people just don't see Subarus quite the same. And Indie Rocker is quick to point out that the proliferation of SUVs has lowered the fear factor considerably and most people don't fear Suburbans anymore.

Quote of the Day: "Cars didn't drive on it to make great time. They drove on it to have a great time." Sally (Bonnie Hunt), Cars.

No comments: